New York Jokes

New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney...

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Oh Lordy!
A minister dies and, resplendent in his clerical collar and colorful robes, waits in line at the Pearly Gates. Just ahead of him is a guy dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Joe Green, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City."

Saint Peter consults his list, smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff, and enter into the Kingdom."

So the taxi-driver enters Heaven with his robe and staff, and the minister is next in line. Without being asked, he proclaims, "I am Michael O'Connor, head pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."

Saint Peter consults his list and says, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"Just a minute," says the preacher, "that man was a taxi-driver, and you issued him a silken robe and golden staff. But I get wood and cotton. How can this be?"

"Up here, we go by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept - while he drove, people prayed."

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Dumb New York Laws
A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.
It is against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun.
A license must be purchased before hanging clothes on a clothesline.
The penalty for jumping off a building is death.
A person may not walk around on Sundays with an ice cream cone in his/her pocket.
While riding in an elevator, one must talk to no one, and fold his hands while looking toward the door.
Slippers are not to be worn after 10:00 P.M.
Carmel
A man can't go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match.
Greene
During a concert, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks.
New York
Citizens may not greet each other by "putting one's thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers".
It is illegal for a woman to be on the street wearing "body hugging clothing."
You may not smoke within 100 feet of the entrance to a public building.
Women may go topless in public, providing it is not being used as a business.
Ocean City
It is illegal to eat in the street in residential neighborhoods, and the only beverage you can drink on the beach is water in a clear plastic bottle.
It is illegal for men to go topless in the center of town.
Staten Island
You may only water your lawn if the hose is held in your hand.
It is illegal for a father to call his son a "faggot" or "queer" in an effort to curb "girlie behavior."